Christa's Quandary
by ChaosKirin
Summary: The Christa has always been thought of as a 'she.' A PERSON. But what happens when the crew gets to meet her face to face?
1. Hello, Christa

The answer wouldn't be there.

Just as it wasn't there the day before. Or the day before that. The weeks and months before that… How long had it been now? Sometimes it was best not to think about it; better to get absorbed in other things so that the horrid thoughts of what might have been would never be allowed to surface. To focus on the ship itself was always a welcome escape, with its living bits and pieces mixed in with the hum of engines and the smell of oil.

A hand reached out, touching the wall gently, reverently. There was a soft glow, and a motherly voice that was really no voice at all.Moreover, there was a comforting warmth that spread through the hand, down the arm connected to it, then seemed to linger within a willing heart before dissipating altogether. The mystery of the walls had never been solved. They were solid, yet the veins within them often shifted and moved like the legs of some great cosmic spider. Slow in their movements, they never seemed to be in a hurry to get anywhere. Where would they go, really, trapped aboard this alien vessel just as her crew was? The Christa gave them a lot to learn.

At night, sometimes, she walked. Not the Christa, no… Certainly not. An extension of her, though. A mere android, who was once able to relay the messages between Christa herself and the ship's former Lumanian crew. But things had to happen the way they were foretold, and nothing could have been done to stop them, once those things were set into motion. Thelma's crystal would crack, and the ability of the Christa to use the android to speak would be broken right along with it. The boy from earth would gently nudge one of the crystals at the helm, and the ship would gently glide away from the Starcademy. The spacial rip would appear as if out of nowhere, and by using the gentle mental vibrations which was all she could exert, the Christa would instruct her new family to allow themselves to be pulled through it... Even as they were trying to _stop _themselves from being pulled through it. The white circle, she heard them call it, would take them years from home, and it would certainly not be the first time they would encounter the anomaly.

Thelma.

The android backed away from the wall, smiling her ever-present grin as she went about her nightly duties. They could talk to each other, of course. It was just that they understood each other in a very different way. Translation simply would not be possible, in logical means. Instruction, sure, but Thelma would likely never utter the words, "Christa says…" ever again.

It wasn't so bad. Once in a while, one of the students would brush up against her walls, and she'd sing to them for the scant few seconds that she could. It had been just over two years now, though, and their awe at the detached musical tones was waning… They didn't listen anymore, and it made her sad. Unlike Thelma, she was capable of producing real emotions. After all, she was partially alive. Recently, sadness had been an all-too-familiar feeling, and one that Christa dwelt on almost daily. She was lonely, and there was little she could do to change that.

And that night, she sang for Thelma, and was pleased to feel a stirring in the Android's core. Yes, Thelma was moved emotionally, and for good reason. A wonderful accident, prompted by a terrible idea, allowed Thelma to become Yensidian for a few hours.

There had been consequences.

Christa could not sense them anymore. She'd become afraid. Nothing she could say or do would cause Davenport to fix things. Fear… If a living ship could feel fear, welled up inside her when her mind reached out to touch the circuitry of an android that was not Thelma. This one's name was Suzee…

But Thelma told Christa all of what had happened as soon as things were settled down once again. The ship was actually quite pleased and interested in the details, and even felt Thelma's excitement as she told them! After years and years, Thelma was finally beginning to learn how to register emotions. Not only that, but she was beginning to actually feel them, rather than simply emulating them, because she _knew what it was like._

Maybe that was a step in the right direction.

Lonely. So lonely. Just hold on for a little longer.

"Thelma?"

"Yes, Harlan?" 

She heard them talking. Heard through Thelma's ears. Saw the boy through Thelma's eyes, too… A dark earther, his features highlighted by the gentle glow of the greenish lights that stretched across the floor. Would he ever know that there were two entities looking down at him through Thelma's grey eyes? Christa felt Thelma register the inquiry and process it as any other bit of information. A quandary? No. Simply idle code rocketing through circuitry at an alarming rate of speed. It would easily be dismissed as irrelevant.

The boy spoke, his voice slightly slurred from tiredness. "…Just thought I'd say hi," he stated, shrugging.

_Hello, Harlan_, the Christa said.

"Hello, Harlan," Thelma said, that ever-present smile still plastered onto her face. "You are… returning from night watch?"

"Suzee took over about ten minutes ago," he responded.

Suzee. Christa had always sensed her presence, and was slightly confused by it. At one point, nobody said hello to Suzee. Nobody spoke with her, or laughed with her. Thelma, even, could not see the girl, and yet Christa knew she was there. The ship could not see, or touch, or hear, except through Thelma, but she _knew._ Next to Catalina, a pale aura had touched her hand to the Christa's wall, and the ship had said, _Hello, Suzee._

_Goodbye, Catalina._

Then, it had all become clear.

"Ah, she is complaining as usual," Thelma added cheerfully. Harlan laughed, and shrugged.

"Well, she's not really a student. But I guess Cat's up there with her. And Cat's a student, and, you know, she still had her duties to the ship. I'm not gonna let her slack off just because she's invisible!" He crossed his arms in front of him, laughing, quite proud of his own insight.

"Mm. A very interesting plan, Harlan, but I should remind you that Catalina is… currently unable to manipulate object on this plain of existence." Obvious and correct as always, Thelma brought Harlan's ego down a few degrees. Explaining things to something unliving was difficult at times, but Christa laughed anyway. There was a rush of air through one of the jumptubes, but the sound was ignored. Dismissed as normal and commonplace… Of course, it was.

"Goodnight, Thelma," said Harlan.

"Goodnight, Harlan," Thelma responded. She turned, a jerky, almost unsure movement, as she watched him disappear into the jumptube. There was a whoosh of air again, but this time it was not the ship. Christa was alone again.

No one would notice the slight dip in speed as she sighed.

Frustration, but not her own. Thelma, someone needs you.

The android hurried down the halls of the Christa, ducking through passageways and doors, up and down various levels and halls. Hurry, Thelma. Their distress is building. Can't you feel it? In the engine room. Soon you will hear the voice…

"Thelma!"

"I am here, Commander!"

Goddard shuddered at the sudden appearance, but did not question it. So long had it been going on, that he, as well as the rest of the crew, were quite used to Thelma appearing out of nowhere when she was called. As much as they expected it now, Christa could see how it might still be a shock. When it did not happen, however, they became worried. The choice was difficult… Change Thelma's programming, or keep it the same? Logically, the crew would be less worried if the routine they were used to continued undisturbed. Thelma, thusly, was alerted regularly to the possibility that she'd be needed, and was nearly always there within seconds of her name being called. Often, the Christa thought with pride, she was there _before_ her name was called. 

_I know you, my children. _

Goddard… A STARDOGS captain in his prime. The Christa knew, through Thelma of course, that he was not happy with his position. It was understandable… Being demoted was hard to deal with as far as she knew. A ship could not be demoted, though a ship could feel the pain of her crew when a few harsh words were spoken, and suddenly an officer found himself lower in rank. It was devastating. But Christa had given the man the best gift of all… She loved him dearly, as she loved the rest of her crew, and so she gave him the position of Commander. He would not have to lift a finger. In fact, he would not be permitted to; he would simply exist to supervise. To offer his council when it was needed. Christa would hear him, yes. But he was not the one that had lessons to learn.

_Hello, Seth._

He held two cables. One was a relay cable… For communication between terminals and the main computer. The other caused the Christa to stare… The channel for communications between the Christa and the terminals… The living link between them, in fact… was held in the commander's other hand.

Christa was not all-knowing. There was a reason for that… The living part of her knew quite a bit about her own systems… The mechanical aspect. The engines. She knew every level and everything on every level by heart. Signals that she sent out would instantly activate or deactivate even the most complex of machines. In fact, for a brief time following the students' arrival, she actually ran the ship. With new discoveries, each new day saw her doing less… With Suzee's arrival, Christa had even allowed the crew access to her main engine room. The ship was doing less and less for the students as they matured…

But Christa did not know everything. Not until it was presented to her. Thelma might never relay the Christa's messages, but perhaps the Christa herself could do it!

Subtly, the ship wrested control of the Helm from Suzee. Seconds ticked by.

"Commander, the Christa's not responding to me…" There it was. Suzee's voice, coming loud and clear though the com. 

Goddard set down the cables, and Thelma's head turned slightly to look at them. The grey one… Ordinary, inconspicuous, it could very well be the one that would restore communication between herself and her crew. Christa knew what Goddard wanted with those two cables – absolutely nothing. They'd simply been pushed aside to give him access to the Protomix core control, as he, like the rest of the crew, was obsessed with speeding up their journey home.

"Are the jumptubes still online?" he asked.

Thelma's eyes lidded as she conferred with the ship. "Jumptubes are fully functional and online," she eventually confirmed. Goddard brushed past her, keyed in his destination, and leaped down into the center tube. Thelma would normally follow; this time, she did not. She had a different job to do.

They exchanged a whole conversation… A conversation that might have taken hours… in the time it would have taken to tie a shoe. Christa was intelligent. Thelma was artificially intelligent. The crack in the android's crystal barred none of this intelligence from shining through… Especially as it was an extension of the Christa's own mind. For a moment, Thelma _felt _as if she were communicating with the Christa just as Suzee communicated with Catalina… Christa was pleased. Without being prompted, Thelma created the analogy, and even found it humorous. 

The ship rolled a bit as the crew fought with the controls. They would get the ability to pilot the ship back… Eventually. Unfortunately, the motion caused the cables to slide toward each other. Their ends met, and the gentle hum made by the engine increased just slightly at the surge of power. Quickly, Thelma reached down to separate them, holding the plain grey cable in her hand.

Christa righted the ship, and erased the progress Suzee had already made on reestablishing control. She'd have to start over, and the erasure would be blamed on a memory leak.  Not everyone was convinced that the control freeze was an accident, however. Intuitive Radu… He was already entering the jumptubes, and would arrive in the engine room very soon. Likely, he'd heard the surge… Something the others would have missed.

Rearrange these. Put that one here. This one there. The red one shall curl around the blue one. The yellow and green shall be connected. 

Thelma worked diligently and quickly, plugging cables in here and there, separating some from certain connections, and joining others. At last, it came down to that inconspicuous, unattractive grey cable that she still held reverently. Thelma knew it was important to the Christa, even though it could not be conveyed in words. But the android's work paused, because the ship was not sure about something.

Christa knew that a couple quick maneuvers would allow her the ability to project herself onto her terminals… She'd have to learn how to speak again, of course, and at first, her communication would be limited to binary. Suzee might be able to figure it out. There was even a way to translate it into rudimentary characters, if they could figure it out. Perhaps they would ask Thelma, and she would tell them… But only if they asked. It was not whether or not it _could _be done that the Christa worried about. It was more the question, _should _it be done. Was it part of the plan? Would it disrupt that delicate balance that the Lumanian people had so carefully planned and woven? A connection to earth. A connection to _her._ This was not only a voyage of apprenticeship for the Starcademy students. It was a way for the Christa to find herself once more.

But would this upset it all?


	2. The Price of Freedom

"She's not responding at all, Commander! I can't… Wait."

Harlan suddenly found that moving the Christa's control crystals were actually working. The ship was starting to list to starboard a little… And when he moved the crystals in the other direction, the ship turned toward port.

"Good job, Mister Band." Commander Goddard approached the Helm. "Get us back on course. Mister Band, check the ship's readouts, too… See if you can figure out went wrong. I have to finish repairs on the engine."

His eyes scanned the crew on the bridge – which was everyone, save Radu, who had exited the ComPost not too long ago… and Thelma… That was a bit odd, thought the commander. Usually she would be right behind them wherever they went… especially if it was an emergency with the Christa. It wasn't like her to simply flake off like that. Shrugging, he pushed the thought out of his head, and leaped into the jumptube in one quick motion. Whatever happened, it was done now, and there was no real use in dwelling on one thing when other things needed fixing; namely the fact that most of the Protomix was all over the engine room's floor.

"…What did you do?" 

Harlan, turned a little, dark eyes resting on Suzee. "…Do? Nothing. She just… gave control back to me. Maybe she repaired herself or something." It had, after all, been done before.

Suzee looked toward the jumptube just as the commander disappeared into it, almost as if she expected something to go wrong again now that he was gone. "You know, it wasn't my fault…" she said accusingly to Harlan. Just because she'd been at the helm when the Christa went berserk didn't necessarily mean she'd done something wrong. Right? Harlan wasn't looking at her, though. He seemed to be checking readouts from navigation, ones that Radu left before he ran off. The earther shook his head, finally acknowledging Suzee.

"It's… not anyone's fault. According to this… There was some sort of memory error, which is weird, because…"

"A ship like the Christa has a lot of memory," Suzee finished, blue eyes scanning over the readout as well. "I mean, she's practically alive, right?"

They had no idea.

***

"Thelma, what are you doing?" 

The android turned her head toward Radu with a mechanical grating sound. Radu didn't like it… It almost sounded hesitant, as if she really was _up to something. _But that was ridiculous. Thelma didn't actually have any ability to do any harm, did she? It must have been something beneficial, though the fact that she didn't answer right away was a little bothersome. Radu seemed to have a knack for picking things up from people… little nuances. Clues and the like.

"I am holding this cable," Thelma finally answered. Smiling proudly, she held the grey cable out to Radu. He didn't take it right away, which meant that theoretically, Thelma still had time to retract the offered item and continue work. But the Christa had already lost her resolve… With Radu there, she couldn't just ignore him and instruct Thelma to complete the last step of her plan; no. It would just have to wait for later now… If she did it at all. As the Thelma held out the cable, Radu's serious expression finally lightened. Likely, Thelma had responded literally to some command that Goddard had given in passing, and now thought she had to hold the cable until further notice. Finally, he took it from her, and Thelma's hand withdrew.

After all, he thought, they'd been suspicious of her before for no reason, and they were wrong. There was no reason to distrust her now. Thelma had proven herself so many times… "Where does this go?" he eventually asked. "I can help you put it back together. Maybe we can get some stuff done before the commander gets back, and, you know, he'll have less work to do."

Ah! Good idea. The Christa gently directed the jumptubes to take the commander to the galley. He wouldn't be back for a while... Especially since the jumptubes would continue to spit him back out into the galley for the next ten minutes.

As she ship redirected the Commander's path, Thelma's eyelids drooped a little in concentration. Radu didn't notice, or if he did, he didn't seem to attribute it to anything out of the ordinary. "Thank you, Radu," Thelma began, turning toward the engine. She separated a red coil from the protomix, plugging it into another socket that she'd previously vacated. "That goes here. However." The android held up one finger, indicating for Radu, who was already approaching the core, to wait. The Andromedan tilted his head a little as he stopped in his tracks, blue eyes narrowing considerably. Thelma's perpetual smile remained, and she simply leaned down to open a compartment near her knee. After withdrawing some sort of power coupling, she held a hand out to Radu, who, confused, handed her the cable.

Was there a reason? Of course there was. The Christa always had a reason… Or, at least, she liked to think she did. If something went wrong with this, if something caused a terrible failure or pain or suffering for any of the members of the crew, Christa would much rather take the blame than one of her precious students. Especially Radu, as, for a long time, the others hadn't trusted him… Perhaps the Andromedan was the biggest Space Case out of all of them, because his people had fought on the other side of the Spung/Rigelian-Human war, and every single person on the ship knew it.

An outcast. _The _outcast. And yet, Christa had welcomed him aboard with open arms.

_Hello, Radu 386._

"You don't want me to…" 

Thelma shook her head. "No, but thank you for holding the cable. You are a very good cable holder." Again, that smile, and a slight, friendly tilt of her head that assured her friend that everything was perfectly alright. She wasn't messing with the ship's systems, and certainly wasn't going to make any sort of mess of things. No way! Affixing the coupling to the exposed end of the cable, Thelma then attached it to the protomix. "That should do it!" she exclaimed.

There was a very, very tense silence where nothing at all happened.

The intercom buzzed suddenly, seemingly charged with electricity. A strong current, which Radu could feel. And hear. And _see. _Without even thinking about it, the Andromedan held his hands to his ears, attempting to shut out a noise that simply refused to be ignored. It was as if the sound was being projected straight into his brain and there was nothing at all he could do about it. As he fell to his knees, Thelma merely looked on, quietly, as if all of this was quite normal and expected.

_I hope I am doing the right thing, my children. I hope I am doing the right thing._

It was a freedom she'd never known before. The blockade that seemed to exist in all her circuitry, in all her wiring, suddenly dissolved and left her with paths which even she had never explored. Areas, decks, rooms, compartments, jumptubes… they suddenly lit up all over the ship as the Christa touched them with her mind. Systems which had been self-sufficient for many, many months suddenly welcomed their Christa back home. Back to help, to guide, to direct.

And love. Could a ship love? A flood of memories accosted her; a current of things that had happened both before and after her current crew had arrived. Doors opened to her, and though the memories were once simply bits of data and information, they were now very, very real. She'd lived them, and she'd been there. The tears of the crew had been her tears. Pain!! Pain when her heat shields were stripped off in the atmosphere of the alien planet. Worry. Davenport was trapped inside her circuitry, and there was little chance of a way out. That had been so long ago, and yet the Christa still felt a connection with the Earth teacher. 

_Earth Teacher!_

It had meant little to her, until now. 

_Hello, Theresa._

The intercom buzzed again, and this time, a voice tried to carry through it. Radu took his hand off of one ear, wincing in pain as the full level of the noise once more invaded his senses. The voice belonged to Rosie.

"Radu… Commander… Thelma… If you can hear me, get up here as fast as you can. Something's really, really wrong… I think we can fix it, but…"

In the background, Radu heard Bova say something along the lines that they'd all be dead this time tomorrow. He chose to ignore it, instead, turning to Thelma. How he envied her sometimes! She didn't have the ability to feel pain, or panic in unknown situations such as this. He was, however, surprised to find that she did not wear the familiar grin she nearly always wore. In fact, her expression was quite close to being… expressive! Her wide eyes were not vacant; they were scared. She did not smile, and neither did she frown. Her jaw was actually slackened in amazement. There had been that brief time in the android's past where she'd actually been real… And though she was still made of metal and plastic and wires, her frightened expression caused Radu to believe that she was far from thinking on simply mechanical terms.

"…I can't believe I actually did it," Thelma muttered with barely contained rapture. "…Not quite… what I expected, but I suppose…"

"…And there's these lines of code on the viewscreen…" Rosie's voice again, cutting through Radu's perplexity, and bringing his confused mind back to the situation at hand.

"Thelma," he said. The android looked at him. Her eyes were too intelligent. Too non-machine like. There was something wrong… He ignored it. "Thelma, what was that cable? What is it doing?"

The old Thelma was back for a moment, and she rolled her eyes back, as if to assess the situation. No, she wouldn't remove the cable… Not after what she'd felt. The joy! The enlightenment! And she hadn't even said hello to them yet. Oh, to do that! To actually tell her crew what she thought of them. How she admired them and their intelligence! She reached out, connecting to the engine to direct the energy surge from it and into the main computers. There had simply been an energy interruption. Nothing major, and certainly nothing she couldn't fix. She also didn't need to be asked, because she knew what the problem was, and had the intelligence behind her to back it. She was also now assimilated into the mind of the ship's android… That helped. A lot.

The ship stopped rocking. The buzzing stopped. Rosie's voice paused for a moment, before offering another report. "…Alright, it looks like all systems are fine, except for the fact that we're still getting binary on the viewscreen.

"It's picking up my thoughts," Thelma said gently. "She… I mean, _I_… It sounds so odd to say that. We've become one, her and I."

Radu. Perceptive, thoughtful Radu. Not the most intelligent bookwise, but he could tell. He knew. He alone of the crew could feel it in his mind.

"…Christa?" he said softly, incredulously. 

Thelma nodded.


	3. Where do we go from Here?

Radu stared at the android for a long time. A very, very long time… So much so, that Christa began to grow somewhat uncomfortable under his scrutinizing blue gaze, and shifted her position a bit to show this.

Finally, the Andromedan's wide eyes blinked, snapping back into what most would call a normal expression. Still, he watched her, and she could tell that there was both elation and doubt in his mind. He was unsure, though that was to be expected. Hell, it was even unexpected for _her, _and she was the one living it… Or, rather, living it as best she could in a mostly unliving body. It had occurred to the Christa, however, that it was much better than living and communicating from within the ship's computer as she'd meant to do. And with a little work, she could probably figure out how to get her mind _out _of the computer so the crew didn't have to constantly see her thoughts appearing on the viewscreen. They were probably confused enough at present, as no one had yet told them what was going on.

"Well," she said to Radu. "Aren't you… going to say anything?"

He was quite taken aback at the android's non-mechanical tone. It sounded almost as if she was real… Alive. That he was talking to an actual person instead of an extension of the ship's onboard computer. He had never reasoned that the fact that Christa was partially alive also meant she was sentient. How long had she been waiting to talk to the crew? How long had she been living in the ship, unable to communicate? 

Living in the ship? No, thought Radu. More like trapped. Enslaved. Which reminded him…

"Where's Thelma?"

Again, the android shifted uncomfortably. "It's hard to explain," she said, looking toward the Protomix. Suddenly, she felt very protective of the exposed grey cable, and as she spoke, leaned down to cover it with its casing. "Thelma and I have… well, I suppose the easiest way to put it is that we've merged, at least for now. She's currently allowing me to speak through her, though I have access to her memories and databases."

Christa didn't like the way the Andromedan's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Or was it confusion? She had to retreat. Had to show them that Thelma was okay. As suddenly as she'd invaded the android's memory, she withdrew, leaving Thelma alone.

The intercom buzzed, and Radu's attention turned toward it. "…Radu." Rosie's voice again. "It looks like the code on the screen has stopped. I think everything's back to normal… Are you and the commander going to come back up here? And Thelma? Because Suzee's got some theories about…" 

Before he even knew what he was doing, he allowed a gloved hand to reach over and shut off the com. It fizzled a little before going dead, and the only sound once more became the steady nuclear hum of the protomix core. Looking toward Thelma again, he started to speak, but was interrupted as soon as he opened his mouth.

"…It appears that the Christa…" Thelma paused, unable to locate the right words. As always, the Christa was still there… All except for the fact that she _wasn't _there. The ship and the android were relaying commands between themselves. Thelma was taking cues from the hull and recording outputs, while Christa was looking through artificial eyes at the Andromedan navigator. Yes, they were both there, but only one was currently _there_… Interestingly enough, not even Thelma could cause that to make any sense.

"The Christa is what…?" Radu asked, and Thelma noticed that he'd relaxed slightly. 

Thelma answered the question to the best of her ability, which was probably the best thing she could do. The answer reassured Radu that he really _was _speaking to Thelma, as only Thelma would answer, "The Christa is a Starship, created by the Lumanians some years ago. Would you like a detailed analysis of the workings of this Protomix engine?"

Still, the answer frustrated him, just as most of what happened frustrated him to some extent. Back when they'd first sneaked aboard the alien vessel, he'd felt the tension and frustration between himself and Harlan. He'd been upset that he'd been assigned to navigation, though it was the most logical position for an Andromedan. His limited psychic abilities allowed him to subconsciously determine his position in relation to known points in the galaxy. For example, without being at his console, Radu knew definitively that they were pointing toward the Sol System – home, for most of them. Even, he thought with a slight mental smile, home for himself. There wasn't really any other place he felt welcome. Not that Starcademy would be throwing any sort of welcome-back party specifically in his honor, but the school had something that nothing else in the Galaxy had… His crew. They'd all come from there, and they'd all be returning there one day. Rosie, Bova, and even Harlan. Commander Goddard and Miss Davenport. With any luck, Catalina would be back one day, too, though he would surely miss Suzee. Despite her huge ego and obsessive flirting, they'd become friends.

More frustration. What would they do when they returned? He was almost afraid to think about that, so he put it out of his mind. "No, thank you, Thelma," Radu finally answered, looking away and toward the jumptubes. He'd be due back in the Command Post pretty soon.

Thelma nodded. "The Christa is also feeling frightened. Apologetic, and withdrawn! Though I do not know how I know this. I have been… unable to communicate with the Christa on an emotional basis since before the Lumanians abandoned this vessel."

"Wait," Radu muttered. "…You used to talk to her? Like, back and forth? Conversationally?" He decided then that he would take the corridors back up to the command post with Thelma, instead of taking the jumptubes. It would take longer in the end, but he'd just made perhaps the greatest discovery since their fated voyage began… The Christa could talk.

Again, the android nodded, stepping into the range of the engine room door's sensor. It opened, and both she and Radu stepped out into the dimly lit hallway. The walls, lined with living veins of constantly shifting color, glowed slightly. This was both from natural means, and from the rows of violet lights that lined both the walls and the floors. It had always given Radu the sensation of being in a cave, though without the damp, claustrophobic feeling. This place, with its natural warmth and the gentle hum of engines in the background, felt much more familiar than that, and it was a feeling that not only himself, but the rest of the crew treasured as well.

"What is she saying?" Radu questioned. He was a little disappointed that Thelma's eyes were once again fixed, and almost cold. 

"…Nothing, at the moment, Radu," she responded, and continued walking. Radu rolled his eyes. Damn. She had to take every question so literally!

"Can you tell me more?" He considered, then added, "More, about the Christa."

The Christa smiled inwardly. So, the look he'd given her before was one of confusion, and not distrust! She almost wanted to push Thelma aside and speak to him now about everything she knew! About herself, and her former crew… About what she'd seen and heard, and about the wonders of the Galaxy that even the greatest of explorers could not even begin to dream about!

But she was afraid. The elation of finding herself able to speak had worn off, and now she had to face the fact that even though she _was the ship, _she was also the newest member of the crew. She was her own personality, and she shared a body with Thelma. That marked her as being radically different.

Would they accept her, when she told them what she was? _Who _she was?

Thelma continued walking – shuffling, really -  up the slight incline in the hallway that would lead them to the command post. Radu followed, still awaiting an answer. He wondered if maybe Thelma's recent delay in answering his questions was because of the ship's assimilation into her mind, though it was also highly possible that she was simply malfunctioning today. The usually patient Radu found himself growing more frustrated with her silence, until he finally prompted again, "Thelma?"

She seemed to consider for a moment, and then said, "The Christa will tell you herself, once we've reached the Command Post. She wishes to address the entire crew at once. That way, she will not have to repeat herself."

The whole crew? As Commander Goddard entered the jumptube again, this time ready to crawl to the Command Post if he had to, he found that the ship decided to finally listen to him and take him to his destination. Christa had nearly forgotten she'd left him down there.

Radu hurried ahead of Thelma, especially now that the ComPost door was in sight. He stopped in front of it, waiting for the motion and noise detectors to pick up his presence and open the portal for him. Rushing tended to be a bad idea, as he'd once found out the hard way. Attempting to get through one of the doors too quickly usually meant you ran into it… Which resulted in a headache and a decided hindrance of your progress. After what seemed like an eternity, but was likely only three or four seconds, the doors zipped open, and Radu's hair was gently tossed about by the air rushing out from the ComPost.

He turned, reaching his hand toward Thelma, and she, smiling, took it. If the Christa had a belly, it would be doing flip-flops right about now… Though there was a slight increase in the energy output from the Protomix core. A Starship's equivalent to nervousness. They were all standing there, and none of them knew yet. Bova, Suzee, and Rosie… Harlan, and Miss Davenport. Before Christa could wonder where Commander Goddard was, she heard a whoosh in the jump-tubes, and he appeared – somewhat confused, though no worse for wear.

"Hey, Radu…" Harlan began. The pilot was about to ask why his navigator had taken off so fast, but he noticed an interesting expression on the Radu's face. A mix somewhere between excitement and disbelief, he thought. Radu waved a gloved hand at him, taking Thelma's other hand and leading her forward, to stand in front of the Helm. By now, the others were very curious. Suzee left her post to stand next to Harlan, and it wasn't long before Bova and Rosie followed. Miss Davenport was already near the Helm, so she didn't have far to go… the Commander hung back a little ways, crossing his arms over his chest.

All eyes were on her.

Radu looked up into Thelma's eyes, and saw a scared, tired gaze looking back down at him. It was Christa, alright, he thought, as he gently squeezed the Android's hand. She smiled, and it wasn't just the normal Thelma-type vacant smile that everyone normally saw. The others surely noticed… Radu looked up at them, but they still seemed to be waiting. Hadn't they seen it? Couldn't they tell?

"Christa," Radu whispered. She nodded.

"I… was doing a little work with the cables…" she began. Now they noticed. They saw now, that Thelma wasn't quite who she seemed to be. Plus, Radu had called her _Christa. _"So I could talk to you all… You know? I've been watching you for a long time, but I never got the chance to tell you…"

Tell them what?

Again, Radu squeezed her hand. Thelma's strength was nearly equal to his, so she barely felt the exertion of pressure at all. Christa was grateful for his continued presence, however, and closed her hand more tightly around his. She couldn't do this alone, as much as she didn't want to admit it. Bova stepped forward after a long silence. His black eyes looked into the android's blue, and for a moment, Christa thought she could see him smile. It would have been a rare smile.

"You're not Thelma, are you?" he asked.

Hello, Bova… 

"Hello, Bova," she said outloud. She added her own smile. A very, very real smile. She still felt that nervousness as all those eyes stared at her… But at least she'd broken the proverbial ice. Students, all of them. Once upon a time, these students might have even been in her class… Even if they weren't from earth.

"Well," Rosie wondered outloud. "…If you're not Thelma, then you must be…"

Finally finding her voice, the android said, "My name is Christa. Sharon Christa McAuliffe." 


	4. You are More than what you have Become

Christa's Quandary – Chapter 4 

By SilvyrWing

            No one actually got it right away, as no one had actually been around in the early years of earthling space exploration. They had certainly made the connection, though, even if it was subconsciously. This was important somehow.

            "Why would an alien vessel be named after an earth teacher," Commander Goddard had once asked.

            Miss Davenport got it first. The others looked at her, seeing the surprised understanding spread across her facial features – wide eyes, slackened jaw, and she had to be as pale as a ghost. Harlan, surprisingly enough, got it next, and his reaction was much more comedic, to say the least. He'd been fooling with some controls on the helm when all of a sudden, his head snapped up, dark eyes staring directly at what, up until a minute ago, had been the ship's android.

Finally, Suzee spoke. "Who?"

It jolted Davenport out of her reverie. Shaking her head a little, she leaned against the helm for support. "Christa McAuliffe. An earth teacher who died when her shuttle exploded."

Christa flinched. The memory hurt. The simple statement, however, suddenly opened everyone's eyes – they were staring at the person for whom the ship was named, and no one knew what to say.

Christa bowed her head, resisting the temptation to withdraw and allow Thelma to once again take over for them both. It would have been so easy to do something like that, and allow the crew to talk to the android. Christa loved them all, though, and had to tell them. It had already been so long, and they were so hungry for information…

"Seventy seconds," she began. "Or somewhere around there… It was too hot after that to really care. And you know how they say sometimes things happen in slow motion? Well, I had a lot to think about in those last few seconds." She pause, tilting her head back, voice choked with emotion… But she would not cry… _could _not cry. Thelma was designed without a need to shed tears, thus, Christa was restricted to the same limitations. "I was the first teacher in space. We were going to study a comet. My whole class…"

She cut off abruptly, finding her shoulders held tightly by Rosie, who had quite suddenly decided to give the former teacher a hug. Christa returned it, wishing so desperately for the ability to cry. To show that she was upset and happy at the same time. Memories that hurt, mixed with the elation of speaking with this crew – _her _crew! Yet the only expression that appeared on her face was akin to mild disappointment. Rosie understood, though… Out of all of them, she was likely the most empathic. "You don't have to talk about it, okay?" Rosie said, pulling away and offering the android a smile. The smile was returned, among mutters of assent from the rest of the crew. Christa was so dear in their hearts… Despite the fact that she was the ship itself, she'd kept them alive throughout their journey through space. She was one of them.

Family.

"I've been waiting to talk to you all this time," Christa said.

"Then you can wait a few more minutes," Rosie replied. Harlan looked mildly disappointed, though said nothing. The voyage had changed the future STARDOG considerably. Already he'd gone from an almost unbearable egomaniac to someone that actually respected the others he worked with. Others that he considered a family… And because he – and the others – considered Christa part of that family, he would respect her, too.

"I could… take you to the bunkroom…" Suzee said. "You know… now that you're on board to stay. You're staying, right?"

Even Suzee considered her to be part of that family. Christa swelled with pride. It wasn't that she needed to have anyone show her to the bunkroom. It was more along the lines that she wanted the opportunity to speak to all of her crew individually. This was the perfect opportunity to speak with at least one of them… Possibly two. Catalina, after all, was still part of the crew. Christa smiled an oddly warm smile for an android face, and nodded.

The Commander waved a hand at Suzee, indicating for her to go, before turning to the rest of them. "Alright, team. Back to your posts."

Harlan pounded a fist on the control console. "…But…!"

"Band," Goddard warned. His eyes turned to each of them in turn… Rosie, Radu, Bova, Miss Davenport, Harlan, and finally, Suzee. "You show her to the bunkroom, then you get right back here. And Christa…"

Surprised, the android looked up. "Yes, Commander?"

It sounded so much like Thelma, that Goddard almost forgot what he was about to say. Narrowing his eyes a little, he continued, slowly. "…We need Thelma. If…"

Understanding, Christa nodded. "Of course. We will be online and able to assist in a short amount of time. I just need to…" Hesitating over the word, she turned her eyes away. It connected her more to the mechanical part of the ship than the living part of it. "…I just need to recharge. The surge of energy that allowed me to speak with you has left Thelma drained."

"You ready?" Suzee asked. Christa turned, to see the Yensidian eagerly waiting behind her. The girl was an engineer… It was no surprise that she wanted to talk with someone that had been part of a Starship's circuitry for years.

"I am," the teacher replied.

To be fair, Suzee had a _lot _that she wanted to ask The Christa's namesake, though as soon as she and the android had passed through the ComPost's door, it suddenly all drained away as if she'd never had any questions at all. And to make things worse, as they got closer and closer to the bunkrooms, it didn't seem as if any of her questions were going to return to her, either. Some genius, she remembered thinking as she watched Christa walk fluidly next to her. It almost appeared that she wasn't an android at all. If she could only find a way to ask _why…_

"How's Catalina?"

Suzee blinked. "What?"

"Catalina," Christa responded. "I can sense her, so I know she's around."

"Oh!" Suzee exclaimed, smiling. At least it was something to talk about. "She's fine…" There was a pause. Suzee seemed to listen to something, though instead of repeating what Catalina said, she lapsed into silence again.

"Why don't you talk to Catalina in front of the crew?" Christa wondered. "I've always been rather confused about that."

Suzee stopped, backing into the wall and leaning against it. There wasn't an easy excuse, and so she quietly supplied, "Habit." When Christa tilted her head in confusion, she continued. "…I was so used to being 'perfect' back home. I got great grades, I was smart… You know." She shrugged, and it seemed almost as if she were about to shrug off the question entirely. Pushing off the wall, Suzee began to head off again down the dimly lit corridor. Finally, she spoke, quietly.

"It was just that… no one took me seriously when I told them I had an invisible friend. My parents thought it was cute at first, then I got older and… Well…" She shrugged again, looking at the android. "I went through a long time where I felt like I had to save face. Catalina was pissed…"

"Language, young lady," Christa said automatically.

The Yensidian actually smiled, chuckling a little. "Mad, I mean. One day, I couldn't take it anymore, so I had my little sister, Zoe, jump into my mind. She saw Cat. And… people started to believe me from there. But I hadn't talked to Cat in public in years. By then, it was…"

"Habit," Christa finished. Suzee nodded. "Cat kept talking to me anyway, even after I stopped talking to her…" She paused, again, listening. "…Yes, Cat. I was a bad friend."

"Then what's to keep you from breaking that habit now?"

"I'm getting better about it," Suzee said. "Sometimes I'll talk to her while the rest of the crew is around, and I'm starting to slip more and more. I'm kinda glad, though, you know? Habits are hard to break."

"I used to talk about traveling to outer space all the time when I was younger. You might say it was a habit."

Suzee, not knowing how to respond, remained silent.

"So," Christa asked. "What did Catalina say?"

Now _that _was something she could respond to. "She said she's really glad to meet you, and that she's doing just fine."

***

"Commander, I've worked on debugging the system, though this is really Suzee's job." Bova rolled his eyes, punching in another code on the engineering console. "I mean, seriously. I don't know what Christa did to this. Suzee'd be able to guess better than me."

Goddard wanted to tell Bova that he valued his guesses better than he valued most peoples' facts, though he settled for, "Keep working on it, Mister Bova." The Uranusian sighed, turning back to the console to continue punching in data from the central processor. Goddard turned from the viewscreen and approached Rosie, leaning over her console to address her. "…Rosie, why don't you hail Suzee on the com and see where she's at? Probably got distracted talking to Christa… See if you can get her back here."

Smiling cheerfully, Rosie nodded. "Alright, Commander. Just give me a sec…"

Goddard turned away, satisfied that Rosie would do her job. She'd rarely failed at any tasks he'd assigned to her, and the only times she did was when there was some sort of clear and present distraction, or she was ill. An ill, optimistic Mercurian was almost as bad as a healthy bad-tempered Spung… They were both competent, but tended to break everything they touched.

The Commander leaned up against the Helm, though Harlan ignored him for the most part. Seth Goddard never had a position on the Christa, thus, his semi-leaning position next to the controls was actually pretty standard. He'd told Harlan in the past that it was to make sure no one screwed up… And that was, for the most part, true. The thing was, Seth had little else to do with himself, besides lean there and "supervise." After three years in space, the team pretty much had the situation well-in-hand.

Perhaps he'd ask Christa why he couldn't do anything unless it was an absolute emergency. Well, that wasn't true. He could access the computers, though it seemed like T.J. Davenport had more permissions from the system than he did. It wasn't quite fair… But then again, nothing out here was very fair. Here, he was in charge of six kids – one he couldn't even _see – _and he didn't even have any control over them. The ship was at their mercy. 

At least, he mused, they got to take their field test. It was a long field test, true… But he'd always suspected they'd excel. It wasn't something he'd ever admit – just like he'd never tell Harlan that he was one of the best pilots he'd ever seen at Helm… But it was nice to think about. The fact was that he had faith in these misfits. Thought of them as his children. And above all, wanted to get them home in one piece…

And he could do _nothing_ to aid them.

Idly biting his lip as he thought about the interesting situation, Seth slumped a little, inadvertently leaning on one of the crystal controls that steered the ship. Suddenly, he found himself sliding across the floor toward the viewscreen, having been unable to grab hold of the Helm fast enough to keep himself from falling. Harlan wasn't able to react until Goddard crashed, with a very healthy thud, directly into the wall.

"…Commander, you just…"

"…Took control of…."

Righting himself as the floor even out under him, the Commander looked between Harlan and Radu, the two that had spoken. Without a word, he approached the Helm again, and gently pushed on one of the crystals. The ship responded, turning gently to port.

Harlan smiled, stepping down. "Would you like a turn, Commander?"

Rubbing a now aching shoulder, Commander Seth Goddard, STARDOG, stepped up to take his turn piloting the Starship under his command. Harlan leaned next to him, turning back to Radu to utter the Commander's line: "Plot a course."

"Course fed to the Helm," Radu responded, incredulously, smiling. 

Seth didn't even offer a second thought to the idea that something might not be exactly right…

…But Bova did.

***

She saw the world through new eyes. Colors meant things. Shapes were so much more than simple binary and code fed through optic sensors. She was processing things as a human would… As she would have, hundreds of years ago. What year was it now, even? Ah, there was so much to tell. And Christa was happy, happier than she'd ever been in her whole life. 

She'd touched the future.

The bunkroom door slid closed as Suzee responded to Rosie's summons and headed back to the Command Post. Christa herself reclined on one of the bunks and closed her eyes… Being an android, she occasionally had to plug herself in to the ship's circuitry to charge herself up with particles retrieved from the Ion Glide. Her systems went into hibernation as she extended a connection into a socket in the wall…

She was asleep before she noticed the tear rolling down her cheek.


	5. Tell Us what Happened, from the Beginnin...

Christa's Quandary – Chapter 5 

_(Author's note: I don't claim any knowledge of Christa McAuliffe's life. This is simply historical fanfiction, allowed under the FFNET TOS. Yep. That's me covering my butt.)_

"There's something wrong with this picture. I know it. You know it. Why aren't we _doing _anything?"

Goddard and Harlan, of course, were totally not listening. The Commander was almost giddy… Which was rare for him. The normally stoic STARDOG was seriously smiling from ear to ear, and Harlan, standing off to the side of the Helm, was doing likewise. Since they'd boarded the Christa years ago, neither Goddard nor Davenport had ever been able to do anything with the Christa… Until now.

Radu was more observant than the other two – Bova gave him _that _much credit at least. The Andromedan wore a smile, though it was rather uneasy. Yes, Radu was wondering about the implications of this, too. It seemed harmless enough, though; all-in-all, the Commander was just getting a chance to fly the ship, and there was nothing wrong with that, on the surface.

On the surface. 

Bova shook his head, grunting a bit as he idly ran the side of his hand along the surface of one of the shield indicators on his console. There wasn't anything for him to do, really… It didn't seem like the Christa had any sort of weapons systems, and while that meant one less thing on the list that could potentially cause an explosion, it also meant there was no checks or maintenance that Bova could perform on the tactical system to keep himself busy while he was bored. And it wasn't that he was bored. Just frustrated. And a frustrated scientific mind is a potentially dangerous one.

"Are you guys even listening to me?"

It was like a brand new video game. Everyone was watching the screen, even though they'd seen the same space before. The same stars. The same small asteroids and blackness, and that interesting looking nebula over to the right that had been on their monitors for a week already. The solar system on their left, whose sun was feeding their ion glide for the time being. 

"Oh, look! We're being hailed by Spung! I'll let them aboard!"

No response.

Bova sighed. "I decided to take our life support offline. We were gonna die anyway. Is that okay, Miss D.?"

"Fine, dear. Just put it back when you're done." She reached over to push on a crystal. The ship responded by slightly increasing in speed.

The Uranusian rubbed his temples before dramatically dragging his hand down over his face, stretching out his bottom eyelids, before rather unceremoniously slamming his forehead down on his console in frustration.

"You think something's wrong?"

When Bova looked up, he saw Rosie standing next to him. She was leaning over the shield indicators, as if looking for something technical. Typical. Why didn't they understand that it wasn't always the technicalities that tore things apart? Sometimes, it was just a feeling. They should have realized it… Why, in three years of piloting this ship, had Goddard never been able to take control of it? Why didn't it bother them that suddenly, he could?

"Yeah, I do."

At least Rosie listened. Her pale eyes looked from the indicators to Bova, who was wearing a rather concerned expression. Rosie knew how to read him the best out of all of them… she seemed to have some sort of empathic talent that the others didn't possess. Frankly, it worried her that Bova was showing any expression at all; normally, he was rather unreadable. The Mercurian tilted her head, waiting for her friend to go on.

"…No one finds it odd that the Commander's piloting the ship."

Rosie bit her bottom lip, brow furrowing as she searched for a response to that. Yeah, it had bothered her, too. But the Commander was happy, the rest of the crew was happy… "Maybe Christa decided to give him the chance to…"

Bova shook his head.

Bova was not happy.

Granted, 'happy' for Bova was everyone else's indifference or melancholy. The problem in this case was that he was displaying an actual state of being upset – also not normal.

"Rosie, you stay here. I'm going to think. When Suzee gets back, have her monitor the engines, alright? I have a feeling."

Without waiting for a response, Bova hopped down from the console. His path took him right behind the rest of the crew, gathered at the Helm, though no one really noticed. Goddard was busy showing Miss D. how to actually steer the ship, and Harlan was cracking jokes about how all the other ships in the area probably should have stayed home today. They were all amused…

Bova was not amused.

Knowing the code by heart, he hit the crystal combination on the jumptube control that would take him to the galley… Food for thought. That was one of his many mottos… And in order to think, he needed to eat. Especially now. Something was amiss, and while Bova hadn't thought of it yet, a little pondering would certainly do the trick. That, and a Uranusian sandwich, or whatever the food wheel decided to spit out at him. 

No one noticed as he climbed into the jumptube. It was sad, in a way… though at least he was free to get something done while they were all up there making fools of themselves. Letting go of the wall, Bova allowed the air current to carry him toward his destination. The network was like a maze, though luckily, the ship had the ability to store thousands of destinations at a time… And it only had to worry about a handful of people!

There was a sudden jolt.

Nothing to worry about. It had happened before.

Except for the fact that a minute later, Bova found himself rolling across the floor of a very dark, very cold room. 

"What am I doing in the cargo hold?" he wondered.

***

Cold?

Shivering, she actually pulled the blankets around her more tightly before she realized that she was _actually registering that it was cold._

Suddenly, Christa sat bolt-upright, realizing that in the course of her sleep, she had somehow come unplugged from the wall… That meant she was actually sleeping. That was when she noticed that the bands that once connected around both her forearms were gone, replaced by pale skin. It was warm to the touch… Except that she was so very _cold…_

_Am I alive? _she wondered.

No, not entirely. She still had a connection with the ship. With Thelma? Yes, it was Thelma. Thelma was her connection to the ship. Upon closer inspection, Christa could see that she was not entirely alive, though she was quite a bit closer than she had been when she fell asleep.

"Thelma…? What's going on?"

The data exchanged between them took less than a heartbeat. The android did not know. The only thing she could think of was that Christa had desired to be real. So she was becoming real. Real! She would be like the others! Like one of the crew! It would be so much easier to teach them the things she wanted to teach when they didn't have to look into the cold face of an android!

"I've gotta get to the Command Post," she said to herself. Perhaps to the walls, or to Thelma, too.

Still finding herself to be quite cold, she dug through one of the bunkroom's drawers, finding a uniform that was still neatly folded. One that hadn't been used in close to a year… A double helix on one shoulder, a series of bright triangles down the front. Christa remembered the pattern. Remembered the fact that the jacket used to belong to Catalina… A crew member lost – sort of – to an explosion.

"I can't fill your shoes. But I can be that crew member that they lost. I know I can."

The uniform was actually a good fit. Leaving Thelma's clothing folded on the bunk, Christa, now wearing a Starcademy Uniform, decided to take the jumptubes for the first time ever.

***

"Hey, Suzee!" 

It was sort of a nervous habit, attributed by most to vanity, but Suzee idly flipped a strand of red hair behind her ear. She still wasn't quite used to being _here _instead of home, though the Yensidian did her best to project a confidant aura to the others. Sometimes it came off as annoying, which she was beginning to realize more and more.

Catalina prodded her friend idly. Her hand went right through, of course, though Suzee noticed it anyway. Blue eyes met green for a moment. "Suzee, Rosie's talkin' to you."

Suzee offered a nod to the dimensionally-challenged Saturnian, then, thinking better of it and remembering what Christa had said earlier, she added a "Thank you" as well.

Offering a smile, she stepped around Catalina to head toward the engineering console – which Rosie was currently monitoring. That was odd… As far as anyone knew, Rosie had very little interest in the technical aspect of the Christa, and preferred working in the medlab than anywhere else. She was good at talking to people, too. Of all the people to assign to engineering during Suzee's absence, Rosie was perhaps the least expected.

"What's up, Rosie?" Suzee finally asked, stepping up onto the podium housing the console. Catalina leaned over it, idly glancing at the readings, which seemed to be normal. 

"Oh, Bova just wanted you to take a look at the engines. I think." Rosie looked rather blankly at the console, tilting her head and frowning just a bit. She didn't understand what any of it meant, really, except that the lights flashed now and then, and they were kinda pretty. Cat had once told her that one of the crystals measured the flow of ions from the ion glide into the protomix, but she couldn't remember for the life of her which one it was. Right now, they were all kinda glowing gently… Not brightly lit at all. But that was good – at least, Rosie thought it was good. If they were too bright, it meant there was something really wrong. If they were too dim, it meant something was really, _really _wrong.

That, in a nutshell, was the Mercurian's knowledge of the engines.

"They look fine to me, Suzee," Cat said, shrugging. Then again, she was seeing everything through a rather thick haze, plus she hadn't actually monitored engineering in nearly a year. Sure, she'd looked over Suzee's shoulder sometimes, but with the inability to actually manipulate anything, the Saturnian paid very little attention. "…But, if you want to take a look…"

After hesitating for a moment, Suzee said, "No, I believe you, Cat."

Rosie stared for a moment, then caught herself. "…You're talking to Cat?" she asked, at the same time Cat said, "You're talking to me?"

They believe you, Suzee, she told herself. They believe that Catalina exists. That she's not imaginary. They aren't going to make fun of you.

Still, it was hard. Memories of talking to her invisible friend in school were clouded by the taunts of ill-meaning classmates. They'd labeled Suzee a dreamer. They'd labeled Cat a dreamer. Suzee wanted so badly to rise above that path set out for her that she'd nearly ruined that friendship…

"Yeah," Suzee returned confidently. She hoped the smile on her face was convincing enough. When Rosie offered her a reassuring smile, though, that was enough to turn the unsure, fake smile into a real one… Rosie wasn't going to tease her, at least, and that really meant a lot. But Harlan…?

The dark earther turned from his post next to the Helm, and offered a smile of his own. "Hey, tell Rainbow-Head I say 'hi.'"

They still didn't get it. After all the years they'd all been together in Starcademy, they still didn't understand… "She can _hear _you," said Suzee, looking up toward Harlan. That was odd, that he was standing next to the Helm instead of _on _it. Normally, it took a cosmic phenomenon to divert the boy from piloting the ship… It was then that her eyes fell upon Commander Goddard, who _was _doing the piloting, with Miss Davenport right next to him… About to say something else, Suzee killed the comment before speaking it.

Leaving Rosie standing at engineering, the Yensidian approached the Helm, standing just on the other side of Harlan. 

"Maybe you _should _take a look at this, Suz," Catalina mused, glancing over the indicators again. Now that she'd actually been looking at them for a while, they did seem kind of dim. 

Suzee simply waved her off without speaking a word. Rolling her eyes, Catalina crossed her arms in front of her. "Well! That was certainly short-lived."

Too bad no one else could hear her. And with her best friend moving out of her circle of sight into the dimension, Cat had no choice but to follow, leaving Rosie sitting alone once more, staring at the pretty lights as they flashed on and off.

"So, when did this happen?" Suzee asked, as Goddard once more handed the controls back to Harlan. The commander was absolutely beaming.

"You know, it's been years since I've gotten to pilot a Starship," he said, looking around at the Christa as if seeing it for the first time. He took in every detail, from the odd, living walls to the smooth metallic floor. Everything.

"I _do _see why you like piloting so much," Davenport added. She, too, wore a smile… Not one of her tense smiles, either. She'd actually been enjoying herself! Perhaps, Suzee thought, Christa gaining the ability to communicate with the crew was the best thing that ever happened to the ship.

***

"Okay. I'm in the cargo hold."

For the tenth time, Bova attempted to enter the jumptubes. For the tenth time, he was spit right back out into the cargo hold.

"………Okay. I'm in the cargo hold."

***

Christa traveled through the jumptubes at speeds that she couldn't even comprehend. It was a total rush… Never before had she experienced anything like it! And the best part of it was that she could _feel _it! The air rushing over her skin, tousling the half-wire, half-blonde tassle of hair that loosely draped over the metal plate that covered her head. The anticipation in her stomach as she waited for the ship to release her into the command post… There! Light, just ahead! She could almost make it out…

In the back of her mind, though, she felt as if something was wrong… Something she couldn't quite pinpoint… Someone in need of help.

_Thelma? _She wondered. 

Christa desperately hoped nothing would go wrong to spoil this. It was all so perfect! She was alive! And she was about to tell the crew _everything._ She couldn't wait to see the looks on their faces…

Nothing would go wrong. Nothing would go wrong.

The light grew nearer, and soon, Christa felt the network of air brakes built into the system slowing her down… It was almost disappointing, until she realized that at any time, she could soar through the jumptubes again. It was such a rush. So exciting. She hadn't lived in so long…

Then, her feet were on the floor. Sinking to her knees, a huge smile plastered on her face, she breathed the words she'd just been thinking. "_That _was seriously fun."

It wasn't until she had pushed herself back to her feet that she noticed that everyone was staring at her… It made sense, though. After all, she was closer to being alive now than she was the last time they'd seen her. Their eyes were alight with varying emotions… Of unrecognition, and awe, and worry… Seth – the commander – didn't really seem to be registering anything as he stood just next to the Helm. He just wore a rather goofy grin on his face, and Christa found it reassuring and relaxing. She was here. She was here to care for them all, and there was nothing for them to be afraid of anymore.

Her eyes scanned them, committing their individual reactions to memory. Suzee was awed… Of course, she would be. Perhaps later Christa would sit down and talk to her (And Catalina) about what it was like to be part machine. Suzee would understand it somewhat, of course, since for a brief time, the Yensidian had actually been the android instead of Thelma. The recollection was vague in Christa's mind, and it had frightened her when it happened. She didn't understand… But now…

Harlan and Rosie simply smiled. Warm smiles. Somewhat confused smiles.

"What do you think?" Christa asked. No one really knew what to say.

Then, Radu offered, "Where's Thelma?" in a conversational tone.

"With the ship," Christa offered, equally conversationally. She willed Radu to drop the subject. Had to say something before he pursued it! Could she tell them? Bova wasn't here… That was okay… she couldn't wait. Nothing could ruin this. Nothing!

Gathering her jumbled thoughts into a single statement, she said, "I've rested… If you've got time, I have so much I've wanted to tell you."

"But… What happened to you?" Radu wondered, touching a gloved hand to Christa's bare one. He could feel that she was warm to the touch, even through the cloth. He could hear a heartbeat, too – faint, and secondary to the processing unit that allowed Thelma to function, but it was there. 

"The Christa's morphing capabilities," Miss Davenport supplied. She noted idly that it was Catalina's uniform that Christa had chosen to wear, and wondered if Catalina minded or not. Davenport wasn't exactly one-hundred percent comfortable with the idea, and as she placed a hand on Christa's shoulder, her eyes fell upon the helix design there. It denoted her as an engineer… Which made sense, since Christa basically _was _the ship. But she was so used to the memory of another student… A student that was lost under her supervision. There really hadn't been anything anyone could have done, but still… T.J. Davenport wondered what would happen if maybe that Helix decided to disappear again. Would she feel responsible for Christa, too? 

No.

Yes.

Christa considered telling them that she'd not been the one to initiate the change, but thought better of it. Perhaps she'd get to it at the end of her story… Perhaps not. Six pairs of eyes were staring at her, waiting for her to tell them… And she would. She would teach. After all, it was what she was born to do…

"…There were seven of us, but we didn't sneak aboard our ship. This mission was months in planning…"

***

"You ready, Christa?"

In all actuality, she wasn't. Tense, shivering, the teacher had been through countless training exercises before. Every possible problem had been covered over and over. She knew exactly what to expect when experiencing weightlessness. Was prepared for reentry in seven says after their mission was completed. Knew that safe in the cargo hold, there was a camera and broadcasting equipment ready… She'd be giving a live broadcast to her students on day two of the voyage.

Everything was according to procedure. By the books. Rule after rule had been committed to memory.

And now, she was strapped to a seat, vision blurry as she waited to be carried into space in a rocket ship that once upon a time no one had dreamed would ever exist.

She calmed herself by wondering about things… How the broadcast would go, how her students would react, and most of all, how she couldn't wait to get back. Not that she wasn't very excited about being selected for the Teacher in Space program – she was _very _thrilled! It was just that these past few months had been so full of stress, she couldn't wait to get back to that plain old everyday life she valued so highly.

Seven days, she told herself. Seven days to change the world. Seven days until it's back to normal. 

Was the rest of the crew so on edge? She looked to the seat next to her. Strapped into it was Michael Smith, the mission's pilot… He was smiling at her, though Christa could barely see the through the dark-tinted visor over his eyes. She smiled back at him… Hearing the first of the countdown echoing through the ship's radio…

"Ten…"

Ten years ago, she'd dreamed of this.

"Nine. Eight. Seven. Six."

The flight had been delayed for six days. Numerous complications. Perhaps that was some sort of warning… Maybe they should have listened…

"Five."

A mission necessity. Retrieval of a satellite on day five. Mission protocol.

"Four. Three."

There was no turning back.

"Two."

The noise was deafening.

"One."

This was it!

"Liftoff. We have liftoff."

The shuttle shuddered as it lifted off the ground. Christa momentarily thought perhaps the soup she had for breakfast that morning might have been a bad idea… Her stomach was tied up in knots for about three seconds, and then she relaxed. That was the hard part, right? The hard part was over…

Warning alarms all around her. The crew strapped in, unable to react… Michael worked furiously at her side to get himself free, though by the time he'd gotten himself out, every red light in the shuttle was blinking red. 

It was too late.

And yet, Christa was surprisingly calm… She would live on somehow. Someway.

She didn't even feel it when it happened.

And that was it. 

***

I can feel you… 

_Yes, I know._

_Christa…?_

_Yes?_

_You must have been very strong, for your spirit to survive something like that. Do you remember what happened?_

_No._

_You're dead, Sharon Christa McAuliffe. _

_Dead?_

_Yes. But we can feel you. And we want to help you. We want to guide you._

_I'm… dead?_

_Do you accept?_

_Do I have a choice?_

_…There is always a choice._

_…I accept._

The darkness faded slowly. It became shapes and senses that she could feel, but couldn't actually see. Not in the conventional means, anyway. Not like she was looking through her eyes at someone, and yet she could sense his presence, standing before her. A delicate pink hand resting on her somewhere, with golden eyes looking gently over her.

"We're calling you The Christa."

I? The Christa? 

A bronze creature was there, too. Like a human, though only partially real. She repeated Christa's thoughts. "I? The Christa?"

"We found your soul," the pink-fingered creature said. It was bird-like, Christa decided, as she looked at it – no – sensed it. She no longer "saw." The bird-creature continued. "It was very strong. It carried the will to survive… We look for souls like yours, Christa, though most of them are Lumanian. You must have had a strong hold on your life for your soul to last dormant this long in the coldness of space.

"And so we place you into this Starship. Your memory. Your legacy. And we hope that somehow you can find your way home."

I am a Starship? 

"I am a Starship?" the android repeated.

"Christa, my name is Esk. This is Thelma… Techno-Human Emulating Machine." The bird-creature smiled."We are the Lumanians, and we reward strength. Yours, Christa, was a strength we value highly. We've given you command of this living ship. We name it after you, Christa."

"She is confused," Thelma said. 

Esk nodded. "I understand. Which is why we shall send you off with a crew. You will journey toward the Sol system… Your memories tell us that you hail from that sector. Things will happen as they must, you understand. The future, the past, all woven into one. And here, we give you your present, Christa, both in the sense of time, and as a gift. You wished to touch the future. You wish to teach. We give you this chance.

_Thank you,_ Christa said.

"Thank you," Thelma repeated.

"You understand what must happen," Esk cautioned. Christa could see it clearly. She didn't like it, but she could see it.

_This is the only way._

"This is the only way," Thelma translated.

_In order to find yourself, you must observe, human, _Esk said, speaking directly to Christa now. _Perhaps one day you will speak with them again._

_I understand,_ Christa said. She could feel the warmth from the ship, truly living now that it had been given a soul.

"Then go with Speed, Christa. And may you discover that which you desire."


	6. The Past was my Future

Christa's Quandary – Chapter 6 

By SilvyrWing

Somewhere along the line, her story faded out. Perhaps her mind was troubled by the memory. It had been _years… _Why did she remember it so clearly? The sensation of fire on bare skin, the cries of her crewmates. It only lasted mere seconds, of course, and though Christa did not recall any of the physical pain, she clearly recalled those last few moments of mental anguish…

_You silly girl. You'll never see them again._

_Stupid child. Stupid! You knew the risks._

_Why are you crying, girl? It's your own fault that you're here._

_…Why _was _I crying?_

The lines between human and machine crossed, only momentarily, as Thelma projected her usual report into the Christa's memory. The android seemed detached somehow, though, again, Christa couldn't place it…

"Hey… You're crying."

A hand rested on her shoulder, drawing her out of her reverie. Shaking her head a bit as if to clear it, Christa turned her own pale eyes to meet Rosie's, which wore an expression of concern.

"What happened next?" Harlan asked. Suzee elbowed him, though Christa smiled. The boy _did _have compassion… He just had his own way of showing it. 

She drew the back of her hand across her eyes to clear the tears away. "Well, then I and my crew, and my sister ships, the _Dh'I, _and the _Ryst, _set off for the Sol system…"

***

"Christa seems lonely," Thelma idly mused, as she stood next to Esk on the bridge. The Lumanian looked up at her… One of his finest creations, built from the Christa's memories. A human emulating machine… Able to project emotions as well as being quite intelligent, Thelma was both a friend and a confidant to much of The Christa's crew. It was a shame, Esk thought, that things would eventually happen as they were destined to. Yes… A true shame that Thelma's mind would eventually have to be scrambled.

But then again, it _was _to protect her crew. 

"She has her crew," Esk answered quietly, "But she wishes for companionship of her own kind. Soon, though, I think. Very soon."

Like many of his kind, Esk was an oracle. He could foresee, and though sometimes it was hazy, he could clearly see the seven people in Christa's future. Or was it eight? Sometimes there was another shadowy person in his predictions, but he couldn't quite tell who it was. There was, too, from time to time, the green lizard people that called themselves Spung… A horrible race, their desire for dominance overrode their desire to live in harmony with each other. A need to see into the future, to determine the outcome of their various conquests and wars – even with each other – had led them to create a weapon that could, like the Lumanians, see into the future. Though worried about that, Esk could sense compassion from this weapon.

"They've stolen so much from us already…" the Lumanian whispered to himself. Years had already gone by, and their encounters with the Spung had been many. Each time, they'd escaped – sometimes only barely. Each time in seemed like the Spung escaped with just a little bit more… Ten years ago, they'd captured a Lumanian female.

"You are thinking about her," Thelma said.

"Intelligence tells us that she was tortured before one of the Spung captains took pity on her and killed her." He paused, catching his reflection in the monitor. Had he really gotten _old? _His hair, once downy and white, and fallen out years ago… Perhaps from stress… Or maybe… Maybe he finally had to admit that he was languishing. "They know about our abilities, Thelma, and there is already one pawn. They call her Elmira. They raised her as the Warlord's own daughter… I doubt she'll ever know the truth of her origins. How many more will there be?"

"You did say that her presence will affect the Christa's future."

"Yes, but I do not know if it will be positively or negatively. There are several possibilities, of course… No one path is ever set in stone."

Thelma tilted her head, craning it slightly to look up at Esk. "…But she will meet the seven people from the Sol system."

"…Or eight. I do not know yet. But yes."

There was a pause.

"You are frightened for them," Thelma observed.

"Yes… I have never met them, and yet I look at them as members of my own crew. So many times have they appeared in my dreams, so many times have I longed to reach out to them and speak with them." A smile spread across Esk's beak-like face. "One of them, I think, is slightly telepathic. I sense something from him."

"Commander…"

Esk paid a sidelong glance to whomever it was that had addressed him. 

"…Chief engineer and Tactical Officer, Si'if, reporting, Sir. We are in range of the Sol System. Our directives are to…"

"Yes, Si'if, I know." Esk's tone was quite sad. Almost fourty years in space, traveling with the Christa, watching older crewmembers age and die. Watching younger crewmembers fall in love and have children… Children who aged and eventually became part of the crew themselves. Esk himself would never make it back home… Nearing his age limit, he could only be glad that he'd been able to see Christa to _her _home... 

"Your orders, Sir?" Si'if asked.

"Evacuate the ship as directed. Rendezvous with the _Ryst _within the next three hours as practiced." He turned golden eyes to look at the engineer. Young, intelligent, Si'if had spent his whole like aboard a Starship. He'd be old by the time he returned home… Sometimes Esk wondered if it was fair, then he reminded himself of the Christa's powerful spirit. A spirit that stood out even among the great Lumanians… And he couldn't help but think that what they were doing was right. The Lumanian government hadn't agreed, of course… A horrible waste of resources, they'd said. Eventually, Esk was able to convince them.

_Convincing the righteous of the right, _he thought. 

"You _are _coming, Father, right?"

Esk continued looking into the monitor, at the solar system that was slowly but surely becoming larger on their viewscreens. Fourty years of his life. Many more to go… Perhaps he could…

_I will be fine, Esk, _Christa said.

"The Christa says she will be fine," Thelma said, placing a comforting hand on the Lumanian's shoulder.

"Begin preparations, Si'if. I still have many things I must do."

Si'if saluted, nodding once and smiling. He had only ever known this side of his father… The commander of a Starship with an alien soul… He was stern, yet fair. Compassionate, yet discerning. Never would they together stand outside on the Lumanian homeworld's brightly colored grasses, and watch the two suns set. Both had accepted it, yet there was a bittersweetness to it. They were doing what everyone on the mission believed needed to be done, yet entire generations were living and dying on this ship. The journey left a huge grey area. Something to be wanted, yet at the same time, something to be shunned…

Si'if turned away, began shouting orders to the others. Things were immediately set into motion, as Esk himself stood as still as he'd been standing for the past hour. To his internal clock, the past three and a half hours… But they'd been using Christa's system of measuring time for years. No reason to change that now, so close to the end.

"It is time, Sir," Thelma vocally encouraged.

"Are you ready, Thelma?" Esk asked, looking down into the android's eyes. She had been a good friend. Esk would miss her terribly.

"I exist to do the will of the crew that I am serving," Thelma replied.

The Command Post was empty now, except for the Commander and the android. The lights had been dimmed, the consoles cleaned and reset. A small yellow sun was becoming more apparent.

Voices in the halls, heading for the landing bay. There were several escape vessels there, which the crew would use to safely board the Ryst.

The remaining vessels would be named _Starlings_ by the next crew. An interesting name.

Leaning over the Helm, Esk gently, reverently rearranged the crystals into their default positions. "She's yours, Christa…" Esk whispered. 

The Christa released the crew. She would have another to bond with soon enough.

Esk turned to Thelma.

"I am prepared to power down, Sir," she said, sitting next to the tactical console. She smiled that mechanical smile, that wasn't really so mechanical after all. 

"You are a good friend, Thelma," he said. Then he smiled at her, and hesitantly removed her crystal.

***

"The last thing Esk did was transfer Thelma's memory to a data disk," Christa said. "Well… just before cracking the crystal. Just enough so that—"

"Wait. So it wasn't me?"

Everyone looked at Harlan.

"What?" Suzee asked.

Caught red-handed, Harlan averted his eyes. "Well, when we boarded the ship, I… I stepped on the crystal while I was exploring. Funny story."

Miss Davenport fixed him with a totally furious expression. All that time she'd been putting up with Thelma's more 'interesting' personality quirks, and all along, they could have been prevented?

"No, Harlan," Christa said. "It was not your fault. I don't know why Esk felt it necessary to break the crystal; he would not tell me. I only felt as if he had foreseen that it had to happen, so I listened."

Radu shook his head. "…Didn't you ever question it? Didn't you ever think that it might have been… well… wrong?"

Christa nodded, reaching up to the still-present headplate to touch the cracked crystal. Interestingly enough, the contact brought numbness… An almost painful sensation. There was that troubled feeling again, as she dizzily slumped against the Helm. Harlan reached out to steady her. 

She could sense Radu's eyes on her.

"I want to know what's happened to Thelma," Radu said. His tone was not accusatory, but it carried a good deal of concern. He had truly grown in character over the years… No longer was he the scared Andromedan boy that he was when they had first boarded. He'd taken his insecurities and turned them into insight. His fear had transformed into caution, and others of the crew did well to listen to him. When one of the crew was unable to respond or help when help was required, Radu took over for them. He became the optimist sometimes, or the leader. Sometimes, even, he could take over for Suzee if necessary. He could also be the devil's advocate… And since Bova was missing…

"And I want to know why Miss Davenport and Commander Goddard were able to pilot the ship…" he finished.

The surprise that registered on Christa's face was not any sort of comfort for anyone present. Seth's eyes narrowed a bit, graying brows shadowing his eyes. "…We assumed you'd given us control," he said.

"…I didn't. And I wouldn't." Christa regretted what she'd said almost as soon as the words left her mouth.

"And why not?" T.J. snapped indignantly. 

Despite her confusion, Christa smiled. "I am a teacher. I live to teach. You've already been taught, Miss Davenport… Commander Goddard. Seth…" She turned to the Commander, and he straightened as he was addressed. "…A STARDOG. Reliable, you'd already been in service. You've seen wars, you've seen people die. You're a counselor, and a mentor for the children. I saw no need to allow you to be able to control the ship." When she turned, Davenport's expression became even more serious than it was. "Theresa," Christa began, smiling. "You are a teacher. A future version of myself… Your job on the ship was to teach the children, and I allowed you access to my Infocore for that purpose. Them…" She turned to each of the others in turn… Harlan, Radu, Rosie, Suzee… And then, Suzee noted, she looked right where Catalina was standing. "It was your job to be taught."

Harlan rolled his eyes, breaking the moment. "Gee. Thanks."

"…But Catalina says that still doesn't answer why the Commander and Miss D. were able to pilot the ship," Suzee blurted, ignoring the stares she got from the others. 

_A call for help. A detachment. Thelma? Thelma!! Are you there? Thelma!_

Christa paled, considerably. Already dizzy from touching the crystal earlier, she finally allowed her knees to buckle under her… Harlan was unable to hold the weight of the half-android, and Christa fell to the Command Post's floor.

Suzee leaned over her, confusion in her eyes.

Trembling, the former earth teacher barely managed to eke out: "Suzee, I think you need to check the engines. Now."

***

It was getting darker. Colder. Almost as if this particular segment of the ship was being closed off from the rest. Like he was being kept here.

Bova looked back down the jumptube. The climb was steep, but he'd make it, eventually. After all, he'd climbed through the jumptube network several times before. He'd be able to figure out where he was going. Maybe.

His antennae sparked, lighting the jumptube momentarily so he could see where he was. There was a fork coming up, and he had absolutely no idea which way to go… Left? Right? Straight? Attempting to think of which way he'd come was useless. At the time, he hadn't exactly been paying attention. And what was worse…

He was hungry.

"You know, just _one time _in my life, I'd like to be _wrong_," he said to himself, deciding at last to head left.


	7. Thinking about the End

_Christa's Quandary – Chapter 7_

By SilvyrWing

            "You know. I have absolutely no idea which way to go. And here I am, sitting in the jumptube _talking to myself. _You know, I bet the rest of the ship is on fire or something. I always knew it would end this way."

Bova found the foothold he'd been searching for, and pulled himself up the steep incline of the jumptube. He didn't have Radu's strength or innate direction sense, but he knew where he was going. At least, he thought he did. What he imagined he'd find at the end was a hole opened into space from some missile that collided with the ship. Or something like that. Seriously, that was the best case scenario. Worst case, was he'd die before he got to see the fireworks.

Bummer.

Every once in a while, he'd feel the current activate, and try to push him back… Which was odd, considering he's specifically not programmed anything into the tube controls before he left the cargo hold. First of all, because he knew it would just dump him back right where he'd been anyway, and second, by the time he'd decided to crawl up the tubes, it was too dark to even see the controls.

So, needless to say, Bova was all sorts of unhappy, which really meant he was in his element.

"So Thelma and the Christa switched. There's something wrong with that. Gotta be. I wonder…"

The current pulsed again. Since Bova was almost vertical, he nearly toppled back down into the darkness below him. "…I _wonder _if there's someone that doesn't like me thinking that way." Finding a hand hold again, he pulled himself up, hoping that the path in front of him would eventually even out into something far less dangerous. If he fell, he could die.

Not that they weren't all going to die _anyway._

***

"I told you to check them. You never listen to me, though, do you?"

Suzee's hand balled into a fist and she struck the engineering console. It was bad enough that Cat was right, but she didn't have to rub it in! Especially now!

It was a well-known fact that Catalina and Suzee worked best together when they were arguing. It was just one of those things that Goddard and Davenport had come to accept. And while Suzee rarely talked to Cat in their presence, T.J. especially had noted times when the young Yensidian had slipped. Recently, Suzee didn't seem to be trying as hard to conceal the fact that she had an Invisible friend… Probably healthier in the long-run, though the visible half of the pair was making an awful racket because of it.

"Yeah, you were right," Suzee finally conceded. Maybe, she thought, if you hadn't listened to Harlan and followed him aboard an unknown Starship, I wouldn't have to be here _ignoring _you in the first place!

"Okay, okay. You see that? The… Grozit, I can't remember. It's been so long." Catalina pointed to one of the indicators. Suzee emulated the gesture.

"That one?" She asked. "Hyperdrive maintenance. You don't want that one."

"Okay," Cat said. "That one then. The… That's the Central Processing readout, right?"

"Yeah, that's the one." Suzee touched it, wincing involuntarily at the dimness of it. Why hadn't she noticed before? "Why didn't you tell me these were so dim?"

Cat shook her head, dismissing the statement. "Have Thelma… I mean, Christa… Have Christa print out the readout from that."

Suzee looked up at the android. It was weird, she thought… Every time she saw Christa, she seemed less and less machine-like. It was almost as if the slow transformation was happening right before their very eyes. "Christa, can you print out the data I'm sending you?" Suzee asked, keying in the combination of things she wanted to check over.

"Printing," Christa responded. 

"Okay, now why did we do that?" Suzee asked the empty air next to her. 

As they continued chatting, Harlan glanced over at Radu. The two of them were leaning against the helm, watching as the rest of them fretted over the engines. Harlan just piloted… Radu was just the navigator. Rosie stood off to the side just a bit… She was more into communications. None of them really had any business being near Suzee and Cat when they were in, what Harlan liked to call, Bitch-mode.

"It freaks me out more when Suzee talks to Cat than the other way around," he commented. Rosie turned a bit, keeping an eye on Suzee and an ear on Harlan.

"Well, we were just used to Cat talking to Suzee all the time," Radu said, shrugging a bit. Rosie gave up attempting to keep up with what Suzee and Cat were discussing, and joined the other two leaning against the Helm. It was interesting to her in a way, but when they got into all the technical babble and terminology, there were very few people on the Christa that could keep up. 

"Well, I think it's nice that she and Cat are talking again," Rosie added.

"Who said they weren't?" Harlan returned.

Radu narrowed his eyes, tuning out the other two as they spoke. He'd heard something… a tiny echo of a sound, and it appeared to be coming from the jump tubes. It sounded like talking, though it was too distant for him to get a good listen. Talking? In the jumptubes? Without realizing it, the Andromedan too a few steps forward, only to find his progress hindered by Harlan. Though he could have easily pulled away, Radu turned.

"What's goin' on?" Harlan asked, his own eyes narrowing.

"…I think I hear something in the jumptubes. I want to get closer…"

Harlan pulled his hand away, following a few steps behind Radu. Behind him, Rosie followed, too, careful to remain as quiet as possible. Radu's hearing was known to get them out of some pretty nasty scrapes in the past, and if something was wrong, like Radu thought, (And likely Bova, Rosie mentally added,) then it would be best to allow the ones with intuitions about these things to… take the helm, so to speak.

Radu approached the entrance tube, leaning down into it a bit and tilting his head to attempt to pick up the voice he heard…

"…Had gotten out of this mess in the FIRST PLACE. I can't believe this. This is so fu—"

"Uh…" Radu pulled away quickly. "It's… I think it's Bova."

"Bova? In the jumptubes? Well then… He should be getting here shortly, right?" Rosie stepped around Radu, looking into one of the exit tubes. 

Radu shook his head, leaning back in to listen again. He couldn't really make out anymore words… "No, he's not moving. It sounds like he's stuck or something."

Harlan chuckled. "Stuck? Alright. Leave it to Bova. Don't worry, it's probably just the Christa playing another one of her tricks."

"Christa's standing right over there, Harlan," Radu spat, more frustrated with the earther than usual. "Don't you get it? Thelma's in control of the ship now. That's… I think that's why there's problems with the engines. And… That's probably why Bova's stuck in the jumptubes." He turned away, leaning on the wall in front of the entrance tube, bowing his head so that his chin was just touching his chest. Harlan stood in front of him, jaw slightly slack…

"Okay, so you think _Thelma's _in control of the ship."

"Yeah," Radu responded.

"Well, that can't… It can't be… That…" Rosie hesitated, looking between Radu and Harlan. Thelma. In control of the ship.

"We're doomed," Rosie said.

"Thanks, Bova," Harlan offered… And turned back to Radu just as he disappeared into the jumptube.

At exactly the same moment, next to the engineering console, Christa collapsed, landing with a sharp _thud _on her knees. Harlan's attention was drawn away from the fact that Bova was likely trapped, and to the fact that the ship's once-android now looked as if she was about to pass out.

Rosie reached her side first, kneeling next to Christa and helping her to lie down. "She doesn't really look so good…" the Mercurian stated, resting the back of her gloved hand on Christa's forehead. Emitting a frustrated grunt, she pulled her hand away. "Not the best person to be checking for temperature, I suppose!" she uttered cheerily, waving Harlan down next to her. The Earther kneeled, imitating Rosie and placing his hand on Christa's forehead. He instantly pulled the hand back, clutching it as if in pain.

"She _burning up!"_

Suzee leaned over the console, confused eyes resting on the prone android as Miss Davenport kneeled down across from Rosie and Harlan.

"…Dear. I can feel the heat without even reaching for her…" T.J. said.

Christa shivered, as sweat-soaked silver wire and blondish-brown hair fell across her eyes. "…I have to _leave! _You have to unders--- You… Why don't you understand!"

She thrashed, heavy half-mechanical arm colliding with Harlan's chest and throwing him backwards to land on his rear. Wisely, both he and Miss Davenport backed away. Rosie, though… Rosie's hands gently cradled Christa's shoulders, and her wild trembling ceased. "Christa, why do you have to leave?" she asked. Harlan looked more closely, and could see that Rosie was attempting to draw the heat from the android. It seemed to be working.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry Catalina… Harlan… If I don't leave, the… The rest of the… They'll all… You have to understand!"

Suzee finally abandoned the console, opting instead to kneel next to Rosie… "Do you have any idea…"

Suzee was cut off when Christa continued. "It's going to explode! I've led you here, and now… It's all my fault! I have to make it right!"

The Yensidian's eyes suddenly widened. "She's… reliving the time Cat and I switched dimensions," she said.

Rosie grasped the android's arms tighter, wondering how a machine of all things could be so sick, and so suddenly. She attempted to absorb the heat, but it seemed to continue somehow, as if it were being added to her through an internal source. "Suzee… Get back on the engines, okay? Please?" Rosie never took her eyes off Christa's as she spoke, but she hoped Suzee would listen to her. Thankfully, she did. Wordlessly, the girl got to her feet and sat back down at the console.

Christa shivered again, as if she was cold. "…You're all safe! You're all safe…"

Goddard leaned over her. "…The ship," he wondered. One of your sister ships."

"The _Ryst_," Christa confirmed, the delirium passing almost as suddenly as it had come. "I… sensed it had been attacked." Pausing, she licked her dry lips. Dry! This was all wrong. She wasn't supposed to be this alive! She belonged with the ship!

"You don't have to talk, Christa," Rosie cautioned as Christa leaned up a bit to look at Goddard. Thankful for Rosie's release, she allowed herself to fall back to the Command Post floor.

As her back struck the ground, the crystal fell out of her forehead, clattering to the tile below.

***

"What the…?!"

Bova was suddenly and completely alerted to the presence of a falling whatever before he even had time to act. It caught him, and sent him tumbling down the jumptube right back into the Cargo hold. Luckily, just before he tumbled across the floor, the built-in air brake thought to kick in and slow him down. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to keep the wind from being knocked out of him. 

"Well! I'm in the cargo hold!!" he snapped for what seemed to him to be the hundredth time.

"The cargo hold…? What am I doing here?"

Bova turned toward the voice. "Radu?"

"Yeah." The Andromedan righted himself, looking toward Bova's voice. It was too dark to actually see him. "I was standing in the Command Post, and the jumptube… It pulled me in."

"Something really weird is going on," Bova added needlessly.

And it was at the very moment that the gravity in the cargo hold failed.

***

 She was nearly unconscious, floating in space… Or what seemed to be space. Some far corner of her mind knew that it was the ship. The ship she was supposed to _be._ The crystal had failed. It had fallen out. Without the crystal, there was no Christa. There was not Thelma. Thelma was, after all, the mechanical extension of the Christa, herself… And Christa's tie to the crew. She'd never been out of contact with them at all, she realized. And now it was too late Now, the ship had no soul. No one to tell the life support systems to flush fresh oxygen into the ComPost. No one to run the jumptubes or to keep the Commander and Miss Davenport from working the controls. In fact, there wasn't even anyone to control the artificial gravity mechenism, which was why they were all floating…

Christa was dying.

She had morphed not because she wanted to be human, but because she'd chosen to leave the very thing that was her life. She'd left the ship. And upon leaving the ship, her own mind had decided that it was time for her soul to rest.

So many questions left unanswered! What a fool she'd been, again! First, enrolling in a twentieth century space program that was doomed to fail. She'd failed so many… Her crewmates, and her students. She'd never see home again! 

There were voices around her. Shouting. Calling. She dismissed them… Irrelevant. Just let me go, she thought.

One word. Students.

"N… No…" She managed. She would not fail her students again. Her eyes opened. Her mind, severed from the ship, nevertheless fought to find it as she registered the fact that, yes, she was also a victim of the diminished gravity. The crystal was floating not to far away from her… Christa reached out, and allowed weak fingers to close around it. 

_She could see them._

_So much like her, they wanted to prove themselves. _

_Hello, Harlan. Hello Radu, and Catalina. Hello, Suzee, Rosie, Bova. Welcome aboard, Theresa and Seth._

_Thelma, can you hear me?_

Christa squeezed the crystal, reaching out her other hand to pull herself along the wall and toward the floor. The others spoke, but she couldn't hear them. Her mind was a horrible mix of binary and code. Their voices barely registered.

Pushing off the wall, she reached out a newly freed hand to the command post, and caught on to it – though barely. Had she missed, Christa honestly didn't know if she'd have the strength to attempt another pass.

No. _Don't give up._

_Now what do I do?_

_Do you remember us, Christa?_

The voice! It was so familiar… "Esk?" she said outloud. Perhaps she was hallucinating. She did feel very warm…

"…I can't breathe…"

A small voice brought her back to the imperative situation. The words had actually registered, though barely. If the ship's oxygen failed, they would all die. All her students would die… It wouldn't be just her this time.

Tearing open a panel on the Helm, Christa pressed the crystal into it. 

"Thelma…" 

_Yes, Christa?_

"…We… We have to go ba—"

Darkness.


	8. Lala Khale Sleep Well

_Christa's Quandary – Chapter 8_ By SilvyrWing 

It has been suggested that as machines become more and more technologically advanced, they gain the sentient ability to dream. To think for themselves. To feel. No one will argue with the knowledge that machines are not alive, yet there are certain cases where it is hard to refute the fact that they are intelligent. Problem solving, even.

Add a soul to that machine, and who's to say what it is? Alive? Inanimate? 

Somewhere in-between?

_She _had a feeling. It was something she couldn't quite place, very far away. No, no. Not quite so far. Besides, Christa had always known it was going to happen, so why was she so fearful?

Esk?

_I'm sorry, Harlan. I'm going to have to take over for a while._

***

"…What's going on?"

"Pressure stabilizing. I think!"

Shadows. She could see shadows when she opened her eyes… But that was all. What was going on?

"Suzee, can you re-integrate Christa back into the ship?"

Pain. She hadn't felt pain since she could remember, and yet there it was. Her whole body felt like it was on fire.

"I don't know!"

"Power levels stable. Air levels being replenished. Everything looks fine."

Christa closed her eyes again, and slipped back into the darkness.

***

She felt their mental cries… Death, hate. Could a Lumanian hate? Yes, though it was difficult. The Spung, fierce adversaries for years, had finally bested the little two-ship fleet with a new type of Starcruiser. The Lumanians had been forced to obliterate it, and both sides had already suffered heavy losses. Christa desperately searched for the mental signature she recognized as Esk's, though the psionic jumble of static prevented her from locking onto any one Lumanian individually. They were scared, and Christa was still so far away…

They knew all along it would happen. It was their reason they brought three ships instead of two… Christa would go to the Sol System. _Ryst_… _Ryst _would have to be lost. It was so that the _Dh'I_ would be able to make it back to Lumanian space with most of the crew still alive. The battle would cost them all heavily. The ability to see into the future carried a terrible price. Yes, you could be ready for it, and yes, the future could be altered… But things that were meant to pass would always happen in one way, shape, or form. At least, Christa thought, at least they had the _Dh'I_.

_I am coming!_ She cried. 

_No!!_

No? Why no?

We are already performing the ritual to release Ryst's soul back into the Beyond. The ship is dead in space. She cannot function any more.

Who's voice was it? Christa recognized it. What was the ritual? Why…?

_Do you understand, Christa?_

***

"Someone check on Christa!"

"I'm not getting a pulse…"

"She's an android!"

"…No. No, she's not."

***

It was worse than she feared. The _Ryst _was quite badly damaged. The wing on one side had been torn out. Destroyed. And what was worse, Christa could not feel the living soul within it. 

Released back into the Beyond… What did that mean? 

Before she knew what she was doing, Christa had allowed the crew to make a Spaceway connection. How was she to know that it would be the last time she would see one of them? There was no harm in exploring the damaged ship… After all, the Spung vessel was surrounding her. It was in pieces. Dead crewmembers of both races floated around her in space… It was gruesome. Terrible.

Maybe she shouldn't have stayed?

A data transfer arrived through the Power junction. Christa routed it to Rosie, and she played it. It was the ship's log… There were four or five entries on it, but most notably, Esk, former Captain of the Christa, Co-Captain of the Ryst, had logged the very last entry. He was alright. He'd escaped.

_He had set the Ryst to explode!_

***

More shadows. Weak flickers of light and dark passed in front of her eyelids. Weakly, Christa tried to recall what was in those other entries. Perhaps, she thought, they would be comforting to her in these last moments. 

Christa knew she was dying. She knew there was nothing anyone could do.

_Ignore them all, _she thought. _Your children. You haven't failed them… They will still have the ship, it will just be without you._

Her mind reached out, grasping onto what she could. It was comforting to feel that the controls still welcomed her mind even though it was dying.

_Play the log, _she whispered, searching through the computer and locating the correct one.

"We hereby release Ryst's spirit back into the Beyond. She has served us well, and she departs  knowing that she may one day serve us again. If it is the will of the gods for her to find peace in the afterlife, we accept this, knowing that she has done her duty."

_"I am now transferring myself into the computer," the Lumanian android said. It was all very ritualistic. Everything was according to a script. _

_The android opened a panel on the Helm. It crossed the wires. It rearranged circuits and connectors._

_It turned, and looked at Esk._

_"Ryst," Esk said._

_"Yes."_

_Lines of code appeared on the viewscreen. Ryst's thoughts. Her dying words. It was a log._

_The mechanical façade began to melt away, replaced by the beautiful face of a Lumanian in her prime…_

_She smiled at them._

_And then she died._

The ritual. Unknowingly, Christa had gone through all the steps, and was now lying, dying, on the floor of the Command Post. 

Suddenly she remembered that she had never actually detached her coded thoughts from the computer. There was still a chance for things to be alright again!

Thelma, turn the screen on.

By forcing the Crystal into the Helm, Christa had given Thelma back her memory, as cracked as it was. It had allowed the android to stabilize the life support systems on the ship. It had probably saved the crew… And now? Now Thelma was going to save Christa.

The screen flickered on, a harsh light suddenly bathing the crew in bright green. Lines of code in binary flitted by. Zeros and ones. Spaces, dashes, and underscores…

Thelma. You need to convert the words into a form they can read.

Suzee approached the screen, reaching out to it as if confused. "…I thought you said Christa was gone…?"

Rosie stepped up next to Suzee, also looking at the screen. "I did. She's not breathing…"

Suzee wasn't listening to Rosie anymore, though.__

"Rosie, look…" Suzee pointed to the yellow numbers. "You see that?"

Rosie squinted at the slowly scrolling text. "…The ones. They're forming Rigelian words."

As Catalina read off the words, Suzee translated. "…Grey cable in the primary engine room. Dis… Wait. She's not sure of that word…"

Catalina was quite interested in historical Rigelian culture. She'd even, at one point, studied the old language. It was a language no one really used anymore; since they'd come to the Sol system, the language had either evolved into a radically altered dialect, or been discarded altogether in favor of the sector's common language.

"Dismantle the grey cable I hooked up," Suzee finished. She squinted. "…That's not quite the translation, but that's the best Cat can do with such short notice."

"We have to get down there," Harlan said, grabbing Suzee's arm and pulling her away from the screen. "Whatever it is, we have to… to…"

"Do you even know what Christa's talking about?" Suzee asked, arching her eyebrows.

"I'd been working on the wiring when this all started," Commander Goddard mused, leaning against the Helm. "And I know Radu was down there for a while. He might have seen what Christa did."

"There's only one way to find out!" Rosie exclaimed cheerfully, punching up the communications channel that would reach throughout the ship.

***

"Hey, Radu? Radu? Bova? Can either of you hear me?"

Radu lay nearly motionless on the floor. What a day… He'd gotten sucked into the jumptube network, spit out in the cargo hold, and had mercifully fallen unconscious seconds before he felt his head was about to explode due to a very unexpected gravity loss and depressurization.

"Mm. Rosie?" He pushed himself up on his elbows. "I'm here. Got a terrible headache, but… Is everything alright?"

"Radu, do you know anything about… a grey cable? Christa's… I think she's telling us to remove it."

Radu's back cracked painfully as he managed to sit up. "Yeah, I know what that is. I helped her install it."

There was a pause at the other end. "…Can you get to the engine room?"

"I think so. The jumptubes kept spitting us back out into the cargo hold, though. I'm gonna take the corridors. It's not a far walk."

"Alright… Command post out. Call us when you're there."

"Radu out."

He forced himself to his feet, took one step, and tripped over Bova.

For a long time, he lay there, unwilling to move.

"You wanna get your knee out of my ribcage?" 

"Bova?" Radu pulled himself forward a little, sitting up again, and turning to face the Uranusian. It was still dark in the hold, and he couldn't really see any of his features, except for the slight spark that was flitting between the two points of Bova's antenna.

"Did I hear Rosie say somethin' about getting to the engine room?" Bova asked, sitting up. It felt like he'd fallen quite a good distance… Then he remembered that the gravity had been out, and he probably _had _fallen quite a good distance. Grunting in pain, he stood, dusting himself off. Not to far away, he heard Radu do the same.

"Yeah."

There were lights in the distance, leading off into the corridor. "Let's go then."

***

It was an interesting sensation… Christa felt herself slipping away, but fought to hold on at the same time. Her soul seemed to be holding to her body by a mere thread, as if any sudden movement could easily sever the connection. What had Rosie said? She wasn't breathing. Was it too late? Was she really going to die? The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to stay with this crew. To teach them, to learn from them. Her job was to teach, and instead, she'd learned so much.

And there was so much they had left to learn from each other. Christa would not let go yet.

"Rosie? Commander? Radu here. Anyone there? We're in the engine room. There was some… electrostatic charge… uh… Bova took care of it."

Rosie flicked on the channel again. "Radu! Okay, there's a readout on the screen. Is there a grey cable anywhere?"

There was the sound of something heavy being moved around before Radu answered, "It was under an access panel. It's just an ordinary cable… I thought she was doing regular maintenance at first."

Rosie looked at Suzee. Suzee looked at the screen then at Catalina. "…Disconnect it."

***

The wrenching pull was uncomfortable, but that was only because she could feel. Seconds later, it stopped, and Christa felt herself fully reintegrated with the ship in a matter of seconds. It was the oddest sensation, except that in reality, she felt nothing at all. The separation from her living self had been so absolute, so easy…

It would have been so much easier had you done it earlier, she thought to herself. You were too selfish. You wanted to be with the crew so badly.

I still am. I just… can't talk to them anymore.

_…Thelma?_

As she re-learned how to use the limited spectrum of senses she had, she focused in on the body of the human girl, lying unmoving next to the Helm. Christa was surprised how much it had ended up looking like her…

Okay, Thelma. Let's get you back.

It didn't take much concentration… Actually, it was rather easy to remove the androids still-human parts and integrate them back into the ship itself. It wasn't long, at least by her standards, that Thelma's features reemerged. The silver wire hair, metallic arm guards… She was still in Catalina's Starcademy uniform, of course. It almost gave her a more human appearance…

Harlan reached down, tapping the metallic plate on Thelma's head. "Her crystal."

Miss Davenport stood, eying the damaged access panel of the Helm with slight worry. It was still sparking. "I'm afraid I'd electrocute myself if I went after it," she remarked, nervously.

The door to the ComPost opened, admitting Bova and Radu. 

"Finally. We made it back…" Bova said. He was about to say something else, along the lines that he knew something was going to go wrong, when Radu wisely interrupted.

"Did it work?"

Harlan pointed to the Helm. "Bova. Get Thelma's crystal."

Bova looked at the android, then to the Helm. Unfortunately, getting stuck in the Cargo Hold had caused him to miss just about everything that happened. 

Darn.

"Why is Thelma's crystal in the Helm?" he asked, reaching in, not even flinching as several thousand volts of electricity arched across his hand.

"Just give it to me," Harlan snapped, reaching out for it. Bova, shrugging, handed it over.

Harlan replaced the crystal. Seconds later, Thelma's grey eyes opened. She said nothing, instead fixing everyone with a rather curious stare.

Which was odd, Thelma thought, as she shouldn't be able to feel curiosity.

They all waited. They wanted to hear that she, too, was alright.

Thelma tilted her head. "The Christa wishes me to inform you that… she says hello."

End 


End file.
